The Memories
I don’t even know where to begin with this. Post college I had a close group of friends and a lot of them shared an apartment in Conchohocken PA. We had Halloween parties, bachelor parties, birthday parties, It’s Wednesday Parties, etc… We were all very close and brought others around that circle of friends in for some of the best hangouts an of us can remember. One of our close friend Ben Carr drown in Raystown Lake in 2007 while there with his family on a retreat. This was the first close death all of us felt and it was a catalyst for a lot of change in our lives. We all took his passing pretty hard but I think Arty took it the hardest out of all of us.
Joining the Army
After sometime Arty joined the army to pick himself up from a slump he felt he was in of working in the food industry, drinking, and other spiraling bad habits. He did a couple tours while in the army and actually missed my wedding because he was overseas. It took me almost 7 years to write a version of Raystown Lake that I was proud enough to share with him. When we listened to it for the first time together in his car both of our eyes watered up thinking about Ben. He always kept his copy Dear Benjamin in his car all the time.
PTSD
After Arty’s 2nd tour I know he struggled with PTSD. It wasn’t something he liked talking about with anyone, he really only stated to me in conversation “Yeah. I found out that shit is real.” All I could reply with was that I here if you ever need anything. Little did I know that after seeing him February 8th he would struggle with it for the last time. He came to hang with us while we were playing Gettysburg Fest like he had 6 months before when we played the summer G Fest. If only I had known it would be the last time I would see him.
Arty was one of the kindest and selfless friends I have ever had. He would do anything for his friends or even strangers at the drop of a dime. I remember our last conversation on the phone when my wife left me. I had to convince him that I was ok to get him to not skip out on work to come see me. I wish I had let him. I don’t want to get into the specifics of Arty’s suicide on July 3rd but it still isn’t an act I can connect to one of the bravest friends I’ve ever had.
Depression
I had never struggled with depression until Arty’s passing. I had so much going on in my life in 2015 that I didn’t know how to handle it. I felt the cold grips of it for the first time. Losing one of your best friends without knowing for months that he was struggling just wrecked me. I knew something was wrong because he was answering any of my calls or text or anything else. I drank way to much everyday for a month and it changed my perspective on those who struggle with this on a daily basis. This whole year has opened my eyes to feeling the pain of lose and connect with those that are familiar with it’s string.
I wrote this song on Arty’s birthday September 12th. It was the first time I could finally write about it. I opened up a bottle of Eagle Rare which was our favorite to share and this is what came of it.
Knowing the Bravest
Happy birthday You never said good bye one last time
February was the last time i saw you buying drinks
It was last call when we left that town
it was the last time I would see your face now
I see a picture of you and me on my wall
it still stings knowing the bravest of us can still fall
There’s a darkness that creeps up into our minds
some can fight it and some it will take their light.
You never know when a friends gonna go
You never know when its the last time you’ll see them
There’s a darkness that creeps up into our minds
some can fight it and some it will take their light.
so Happy birthday I wish we could have one more drink
Happy birthday I guess into this bottle I’ll just sink.
